I continue to struggle with what is expected of me as a follower of Zharina… I finally was able to visit the temple of Zharina in Fairhaven and made a complete mockery of myself in front of the high priestess Jamila. I know very little of the proper religious customs that is expected of anyone be alone a follower of Zharina. My first mistake was interrupting Jamila in the middle of her prayers, my second mistake was not knowing to place donations upon every visit, and my third mistake was not knowing the proper times to pray. Zharina, perhaps this is why you continue to throw misfortune upon me! Jamila informed me of how I can better connect with you Zharina and let me know that there is a guild quest that will allow me to bring myself much closer to you…that is if my friends and I are given the opportunity despite what I caused to happen.
Roni, shame on her, seemed to have been friends with the high priest of Quarre - Illoan and he paid my friends and I a visit at The Crown & Cup. I wished to have NO part in dealing with him and distanced myself from him but could not but help overhear his shear rudeness in bashing and making fun of Zharina. I could not idly sit by as he continued to mock my goddess and came to Zharina's defense. What happened next has caused a deep damage within me. Illoan challenged me to a trial-by-combat and I wished I could have had more time to think on it but in my haste and my poor judgment…I refused and unfortunately all of Crown & Cup bore witness to my shameful act. To make matters worse, I expressed my disdain towards Roni allowing followers of Quarre into her inn and she did not take kindly towards my words and with little time to prepare – has kicked us out of what we believed was our "second home".
There is no justifying my cowardly act of rejecting Illoan's trial by combat but I still feel that I need to express to myself and you Zharina why I declined. I do not know of all the laws and rules of Fairhaven, and feel as if engaging in a trial by combat (regardless of if it's to the death or until someone yields) would be against the laws of Fairhaven. I know Jamila thinks highly of the laws and I thought it would be best not to upset her. Furthermore, Illoan is a high priest – I am but a cleric who cannot even pay his respects to a temple properly. Lastly, I was truly scared for my life… It was up to me for what the terms would be if we engaged in a trial by combat and I could have easily chosen to fight using bare hands but who knows if he would have abided by the rules since he is a follower of Quarre…
I have caused myself, the Icefury Clan, and my friends a deep sense of shame that I hope to rectify in the coming future. Cescill is determined to regain some dignity for himself and the group since he now has challenged Illoan to a trial by combat. Illoan will let us know tomorrow morning. I know I have caused disappointment with my actions…but I am thankful that my friends have not abandoned me during this shameful time. I am truly indebted to them!